Therapy and trust can help people become more emotionally available, but emotionally unavailable people may still find it difficult to establish and maintain healthy relationships with others. Find out how to recognize emotional availability.
What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Unavailable?
Building and maintaining emotional connections with other people, especially romantic partners, is difficult for an emotionally unavailable person. The success of a long-term relationship depends on emotional intimacy; emotional unavailability makes it difficult to demonstrate emotional vulnerability and practice empathy. Someone who lacks emotional availability can leave others feeling unloved, unappreciated, and insecure.
4 Signs of Emotionally Unavailable People
Think about the following red flags of an emotionally distant partner:
1. Therapy avoidance: Someone who is emotionally aloof may balk at seeing a clinical psychologist or going through therapy. People who lack emotional maturity or vulnerability are frequently unable to commit to a committed relationship.
2. Difficulty expressing emotions: A deeper fear of intimacy can result from difficulty expressing emotions. If your partner does not express emotion during disagreements or happy moments, or even when watching an emotional TV show or talking about sensitive subjects, they may be emotionally unavailable.
3. Fear of commitment: If a partner only wants to keep things casual, they might be afraid of getting closer to someone because it would require more sexual activity, intimate conversations, and a change in lifestyle.
4. Gaslighting: If one partner is gaslighting the other, they may try to exert control over every circumstance to keep their own emotions hidden.
4 Causes of Emotional Unavailability
There are a number of causes for emotional inaccessibility. The following emotional occurrences and circumstances can result in emotional inaccessibility.
1. Abandonment: An avoidant attachment style may result from a challenging upbringing. A person's dependence on others may be impacted by negative emotional experiences, especially those experienced during childhood.
2. Narcissism: A narcissist is someone who only thinks about themselves and ignores the needs or feelings of other people.
3. Relationship history: Someone may have a troubled past with relationships that has left them uneasy about committing.
4. Self-esteem: An emotionally unavailable person may struggle to be themselves because they have low self-esteem in their social, romantic, or professional relationships.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Emotional Unavailability
Inform your partner of the effects their lack of emotional availability has on you rather than requesting that they be more available. Your partner might feel more comfortable opening up if you share your own experience and how not talking about your emotions affects your life. However, when others first demonstrate emotional openness to them, people are more likely to respond when asked for their availability.
You can also share your experience if you have dealt with emotional unavailability on your own. However, if you discover that the relationship isn't fulfilling your emotional needs, express that you need to be with someone who can be vulnerable.
How to Overcome Emotional Unavailability
A relationship may have trouble no matter who is emotionally unavailable—you or your partner. Take into account the following techniques to get over emotional unavailability:
1. Analyze your relationship. Trust is a key component of emotional availability, so consider whether you trust the person you're with and consider why or why not. You should try opening up to them more and more over time if you believe they can handle it.
2. Speak with somebody. See how it feels to be open with a partner, loved one, or therapist. You may receive the skills you need during therapy sessions to interact with people more deeply and purposefully.
3. Express your emotions in writing. Moreover, you can be more honest with yourself. Consider keeping a journal where you can write about your experiences and how they made you feel at least once a week. Writing this down can open the door to healthy, open communication with others about your feelings.